Womens
Magazines and Armpits
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I’ve got hairy armpits. ive got hair armpits and
hairy legs. I dont shave.
I used to shave. I used to shave everything. My legs,
my pits, my @#%$. I didnt want any hair. Hair is unattractive
on a woman.
I used to pluck my eyebrows. Pluck them into a thin
45 degree angle arch. hair by hair. Tear by tear. Mathematicly
sculptured eyebrows liek you wouldnt believe.
I had a whole ritual. Shave my muff and pitts in the
shower. Shave my legs after the shower then do my eyerbows.
I had bleached blond hair. Had that whole slutty look
happening. Used to wear these tight little tops so my
Double D titts would perk out and say hello.
"Hello!"
I brought a $20 dollar Max factor tattoo your lips
for ever lip stick.
Men used to look me up and down. Women used to sneer.
It was all very interesting.
So now-I dont shave. I dont wear make up. I have a
shower and enjoy it. I dont torture myself after a shower.
My muff doesnt itch all the time from shaving rash.
Life is good.
Men look me up and down. Women sneer. Nothings changed.
You dont realise how powerful your armpits are as a
woman until you stop shaving under them. I swear.
You raise your arms up to stretch and people gasp.
I was at the chemist and there was this bitch behind
the counter. She was this tall, blond woman in her 40s.
Hair strung back in a tight fench roll. Thin as a macasra
stick. With a cats bum mouth. So Ilifted up my arm to
point out whatever it was I was after and she saw it.
She saw the wild hair under my arms.
Her face turned white and she gasped like she just
came face to face with road kill.
I coudl not believe her reaction. Its just @#%$ hair
woman!
There’s this whole disaproval thing. Not from
men. Well- some men carry on. They’re usually
the same guys who want to know whats for @#%$ tea and
why wont you @#%$ his mates. So I dont care to much
for their opinion.
Its actual women who disapprove the most. They get
this nasty haughty thing happening. Like by not shaving
your pits your some lesser creature who has to be put
back into her place. Or worse- taught what it is to
be a woman.
"Oh Andrea- youd be such a pretty girl if you
would just loose the extra weight, did somethign with
your hair, and shaved your arm pitts."
Right.
Why dont I just start throwing up all my meals again
and start lookign for a decent guy who will love me
and take good care of me? While Im at it- why not put
all my sense of worth in the hands of the editor’s
of Cosmopolitan magazine?
How about those magazines hey? Cosmo. Cleo. Dolly.
Dolly is a big one. Remember Dolly Magazine? Guys might
not remember it but I think every woman in here from
the ages of 35 down might recall it.
Everyone read Dolly in high school. The best bit was
Dolly Doctor. Remember that?
"Dear Dolly Doctor,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for two months
and we love each other and want to have sex. Will it
hurt a lot? He will be my first I am 14." K.P
"K.P before you start having sex you should really
make sure it is what you want to do. Make sure you have
safe sex (use condoms if you dont want to go on the
pill). Your first time will probaly hurt so be sure
to use some lubricant. Ask your boyfriend to be gentle."
Dear Dolly Doctor.
I started getting my periods when I was 13 and I am
now 17. They used to be regualr but now they hardly
ever come. My doctor says I am anorexic.Could this be
causing my periods to be iregualr?" J.M.
"J.M- it is very liekly that your periods ahve
become iregular due to yoru anoerxia. When you are anorexic
your body uses up what litttle energy it has to maintain
things such as body heat circulation and your heart
beating. Look on the birght side- now that you are anoexric
you can consider a career in modelling- Why not enter
our Dolly Cover Girl competition?"
"Dear Dolly Doctor.
A few weeks ago I got very drunk at a beach party and
think I had unprotected sex with about five different
guys and maybe a few girls. Now there’s a strange
smell coming from my vagina and it hurts when I pee.
Do you think there’s soemthign wrong with me?
I am 25." S.T
Do you remember what else was in Dolly? lets look...
Clothes on skinny models!! Photos of the hotttest guys!!!
More clothes!! Make up advertisoing!! A questionare-
"Are you the jealous type?" More clothes!
More hot guys! Article "How d you know he really
loves you?" Another maek up add! An interview with
the latest Home and Away star! Another article on hot
guys from hollywood who wear trendy clothes and make
up!
You know what I realised? In retrospet of course.
Dolly Magazine is probaly your average teenage girl’s
guide to what it is to be a woman. Really- what else
has been a consist role model over the past 30 years
in Australia?
And what does it teach you?
Being "Normal" means-
1. Wearing trendy clothes, make up and enjoying shopping.
2. Always looking, drooling and lusting after hot guys.
3. Wearing trendy clothes, make up and enjoying shopping
makes you attractive to hot guys
4. You can always write to a magazine for medical advice
insteda of talking to yoru mother or a doctor.
We can take it a little step further- but thats what
Cosmo and Cleo are for.
Now that you are a working woman, rather than a school
girl, the steaks get bigger. Cosmo and Cleo aim for
the throat-
1. Shop because you derserve it and can afford it and
buy only the best clothes, make up and perfume that
we here advertise for you.
2. Always be on the look out for a man to have on your
arm because without a relationship (even if it is in
the context of getting over a relationship) you are
nothing girl!
3. If you are not in a relationship then have sex as
much as you can because it is your right as a liberated
woman.
4. All men are jerks.
5. You can always write to magazines for medical advice,
personal advice and so forth rather than talk to your
mum or a doctor.
These magazines are the first to tell you they are
prowomen!!
I mean no one ever uses the F word these days- no-
not @#%$- but FEMINISM- but they are sure to tell you
they are all for women being equal and all that. Yet
what do they teach you? Month after month, page after
page- what are they telling us? From the ages of 14
to 35 single women are being taught by these glossy
pages and their informative articles that you have to
a. Look like these beautiful thin highly glamrouised
figures in order to be loveable and if you cant swing
it at the very least STRIVE to achive it.
b. You must have a man in order to beloveable or if
you dont at the very least STRIVE to have a man
c. You must spend your income on materilistic pursuites
such as clothing, makeup, perfume and hair colorings
in order to loveable or at the very least STRIVE to
spend
d. You must use your sexual liberation at every opportunity
or at the very least be depressed because you dont get
a root every other night.
Is this really what it means to be a woman in 2001?
Or even 1990? Or even...1970?
We buy these magazines once a month- our little sisters
read Dolly on the school bus to high school- and this
is the message we are all recieving. Forget the f word-
if we go by these messages feminsim never happened,
We’re back in the fifties where a woman’s
looks were all she had and all she coudl depend on.
Where a woman needed a man- whether it be a father or
a husband- to make sure she was taken care of. Where
a woman did not have the abilty to even value herself
for just being a human being but only had worth as a
painted up, perfumed, @#%$ that could forever live in
the joy of pleasing others!!!
Well you know what I say to that?
HAIRY ARMPITS IS WHAT I SAY TO THAT!
What kind of misogynistic creatures are we that we-
as women- allow these magazines to continue to circulate?
"Oh- your taking this far too seriously Andrea!
If you dont like it dont read it."
yes- perhaps you are right little annoying voice in
my head. But its got to stop soemwhere doesnt it?
At the very least add a little realism to the magazines!
Put a few size 14 and size 18 models amongst the paghes.
And dont dress them up liek Sophie Dahl! Beautiful girl
Sophie Dahl yet they dress her up in dresses that were
designed for a size 8- so poor Sophie has her titts
and arse hanging out and looks fuckign awlful Put her
in some clothes that suite her frame!
Dolly Magazine has its yearly Cover Girl Competition-
they have this big competition where girls from all
over Australia send in their photos and details with
hopes to becoming an international modelling star. Fantastic
Opportunity hey? Travel the world, meet famous people-
get to be on the cover of a magazine! And you can do
all this not because your intelligent, not because your
talented, not because you worked hard- but because your-’re
pretty, skinny and tall. What kind of message is this
sending out to our little sisters? What does it say
about us?
Why dont they have- Dolly Artist Competion? Dolly Scholarship
Competion? Dolly Volunteer work Competion? Dolly Inspiration
Competion?
They will tell you why. Its the same reason why they
dont have size 24 models in the pages of Vogue.
"We are selling a fantasy darling- people dont
buy our magazines looking for reality- they want the
fanatsy."
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
They are creating the fanatsy! They create it, project
it and establish it amongst their marketed group. They
start us when we’re young with Dolly and when
you get too old for that you just switch over to Cosmo
and Cleo and Just me magazine. The whole ultimate agenda
for these groups? To undermine our own sense of worth
as women so that we will be better consumers.
You think thats a little extreme?
Ok- lets try this.
Imagine that everyday you woke up and there was a person
right next to you who loved you exactly as you are.
A person who accepted every little thign about you-
yoru past, your dreams, your fantasies, your flaws,
your weakness and your strengths- every single part
of you. The good and the bad. And it didnt matter what
you didnt do- whether you didnt wear make up- whetehr
you didnt shed the extra ten kilos you carry around-
whether you didnt want to work a day longer in a crummy
job so that you could pay off your mortgage- that person
still oved you- wholey- enitrely- completely- for you.
Woudlnt it be nice?
A person who doesnt care if you screameds too lodu
at the kids- if you hate your mother, if you like to
watch dirty porn, if you wear the red dress or the balck
one. A person who loves you even when your menstraul,
A person who’s love for you makes you realise
that nothing else in the world matters as logn as you
have this love with you always.
Now imagine this person is you.
Imagine that you are the one who loves yourself and
accept yourself entierly for who you are at all times.
Its hard isnt it? Why is it hard?
Is it hard cause your too fat? too thin? Too short?
dont have a boyfriend? Have had too many boyfriends?
Dotn want a boyfriend? have pimples? have freckles?
Drink too much? Work too much? You get too angry? get
too needy?
Why it is so hard to love ourselves unconditionally?
Could it be- because- we have magazines that tell us
from when we are very little. From when we are just
starting to get to know oursleves as women. from when
we are at our most vulnerbale. That in order to be loveable
we must always look the right way, have a man by our
side, and use all avaialble tools to maintain this standard
always?
And how do we maintain this standrad? With our purses
girls. With our purses.
M.F.
taken from here
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